October 14, 2014
The front
page is very well-designed today, it draws readers into the stories through the
use of color and art. The “Voices” article on page two, “Meeting Brad Pitt a
red carpet thrill” should have a comma after “Pitt.” Also, the use of “last
week” in the lead paragraph and photo cutline does not follow AP style. It
should be the specific day of the week, if less than seven days ago, and if
not, it should be the specific date. There is also a widow in the last column
that needs eliminated. In the story on Pope Francis, I rewrote the lead to say:
“Pope Francis, beatifying Pope Paul VI who implemented the Second Vatican
Council’s vast changes, called on the church Sunday to adapt to “changing
conditions of society.” The rewrite of the lead makes it much easier for
readers to follow.
On page 3,
the Ebola story has a widow in the last column. In the Supreme Court story “1%”
should be written as “one percent” according to AP style. In the vasectomies
brief, the numerals are fine but percent should be spelled out. In the “What’s
Happening Online” sidebar, I deleted “Scary!” from the first teaser, it is unnecessary
and over-the-top for a newspaper. I also deleted “best” in the teaser “10 best
ways to improve your credit score.” How do they know they are the best?
On page 6,
the story “Legal drugs that kill,” the caption in a small column is again
difficult to read and breaks up the body copy. There is also a widow in the
last column that needs to go. On page 7 in the story about Mexican crime, I
question the use of the term “alarming” in the lead paragraph. How did the
reporter know it was alarming?
On page 8,
there were two widows, one of which could have been easily avoided. However,
the use of the entire page to feature one story made for a much more readable
and aesthetically pleasing page than normal. The feature Q&A box in the
center of the larger story was also a nice addition, giving more information
without being too copy heavy.
The cutline
for the photo accompanying the article “Tech giants, women want more than
frozen eggs” on page 11 doesn’t make any sense. The story doesn’t explain what
“A Girls Who Code” is or what it means or even what is happening in the photo,
“the Facebook campus” is also not mentioned in the story.
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